indeed, Allah is with the patient

assalamualaikum and hello there....
(this post is personal, very personal indeed.)

i've wrote a very long 'essay', thousand of words just to hurt you. yup! i'm thinking of using this opportunity to hurt you as much as you hurt me or even more. then after deep consideration, i deleted all the nasty, mean and cruel words that i've wrote. as simple as that. reason? because i'll definitely cry, mourn and hurt if some wrote like that to me...

often we say something, sometimes so little yet it hurts people around us. we are so caught up in our own emotion, ourselves that we don't realize what we did or say have affected other people. then we are too selfish to admit our mistake. even worse, we finger pointing to other people. for what? because we are to ego to take the blame. we just want things to go by our rules, our way.

be a man (or ladies, with one suits you)!
take the blame..
admit you mistake..
stop being the defendant in your own court.
swallow your own excuses, eat all you lies.

i've try my very best to forgive you. but more than often my heart keep saying your broken promises between us, my head keeps on remembering your lies to me. trust is like a piece of paper. once it's cramp, it'll never be the same. maybe you were right. like seasons, people change. maybe it me who change maybe it's you.

i stop talking because words fails me. there's nothing else i could say. i guess you never look at me the way i look at you. right at this very moment, i'm swallowing my own pride because i know i've hurt you too. silence is a girl loudest cry. you'll know how much you hurt her when she starts to ignore you. however, i guess you'll never notice. you are too caught up in you brand new world. brand new friends.

all the time we spend together, all the joke we share. dear, you have stole my heart at the firt moment you make me smile when tears fell from my eyes. now, i'm asking you to gave it all back to me. i just want all the memories to remain. stop taking about mistakes that we have made, sins that we've done. it wont change a thing. not even a bit. people say things happens for a reason. the reason you in my life is to teach me to be strong. steel strong, forever strong. perhaps, you are the one responsible to make me different, made me who i'm suppose to be. for that i thank you.

my dear, it's really hurtful when people we know become people we knew. yes it is...
when my friend told me dont depend to much on people, even your own shadow left you when it's dark, i laugh! it's ridiculous.. how can someone who make me smile, could ever hurt me? guess i'm wrong. like they say, real eyes realize real lies.... if we ever come across each other in future, dont even bother to look at me. because it only remind me of things that i wanted to badly but i can only have it in my dreams. the dreams that i only get because i'm sleeping with broken heart.

i hurt you my dearest, i'm really sorry. for every tears that i've shed for crying because of you, i've forgive you. dont even bother to mend this very beautiful friendship. i rather you choose the new 'world' over me. because if you really love me, cherish me like you said, you'll stick in our own world even if it is dark.

my pray to Allah always, take care of you like you used to take care of me. bless you and you life always. make you happier than when you was with me.

my dear, i love you beyond word. always was, always will......