rabu yang bisu.. bisu yang rabu..

you're 2,090 miles away from me,

and i miss you...

^_^

Life As A Cake A little boy is telling his Grandma how everything is going wrong — school, family problems, severe health problems, etc. Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake. She asks the child if he would like a snack, which of course he does. "Here. Have some cooking oil." "Yuck," says the boy. "How about a couple of raw eggs?" "Gross, Grandma." "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Grandma, those are all yucky!" To which the Grandma replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! Author Unknown Many times we wonder why God would let us go through such difficult times.  But, when He puts everything in His order, they always work for good.  We just have to trust Him: for he will make something wonderful!

it's a lovely tuesday..

assalamualaikum and hello there...

as everyone knows, i have a brother name sapik... yes, he's annoying but he's someone i look up to.
hate that i love him...

now, i wanna tell you a story. about my br0ther from another mother.
i know him since semester 1.
i know him the day he say my full name.
i know him since i meet him.
i know him like forever!

he's AFC (awesome, fun,c00l). he alsways take good care of me.

in semester 1, he always call to remind me to take my registeration slip, exam slip, to check this and that. tips regarding assignment. argh... sometimes i feel like he is my academic adviser. hehehehehe... during suksis he'll always spend some time to talk to me. some times just to ask me how's my week.... ~sigh~

continue to semester 2 & 3.... same thing every time.

in semester 4, he went for teaching practicum. wanna know 1 sweet thing he do before he go?
he make sure there's someone to take care of me... thanks abgku....!!!

now he's my abang. (bangga giler dapat jadi abang aku!! sokmo say ' adikku...!!'). love to call him altimate and every time i did, he'll scream, who's that??!!!

now that he's left...

still in touch
saying what's left unsaid...

he somehow are able make me feel like he is still around. watching me, making sure i'm alright.
eventhough everytime he called, he'll asked the same questions over and over again, i just answer it without prejudice! hehehehe...

to abangku:
spongebob!! awak nie sengal la.....
 thanks for taking care of me. i'll always cherish you now and always. adik really hope you'll always fine someone that care for you and cheer you up like what you did for me.
for every venison you killed. for every arnold movie you force me to watch. for every tamil word you teach. for every pop nyet nyet you sang, for every stupid stuff you let me know, for every cartoon you introduce me to, for every joke you share, for every call you made, for every sms you send, for every advise you gave, for every german language you turn into code,  for my happiness every time you around and for every time you care even when you are not there...
i love you more than life.

nota-kaki-gajah: patrick never wanna say goodbye.. never even think to say g00dbye...

lihat hujan dan senyumlah...

assalamualaikum and hello there...

ye aku giler dengan hujan....

sekian harap maklum...

ini adalah janaan komputer

tandatangan tidak diperlukan

(asri ajar AB, dia ajar aku...)

it's 3.06 am... dah dapat queue jom tido dah tapi tetapi nak post something dekat sini.

extremely happy t0day. just dont know why..

mungkin sebab hujan, m00d jadi baik...

mungkin sebab baru lepas lepak dengan orang yang 'real'...

mungkin lepas abis wat 'thesis' dengan dia...

tah la..

all i want to remember today is the picture he draw.

the sunrise... on a paddy field.

quote ' everyone has a photographic memories.... sometime it is without film because you keep it inside your heart...'

senyum sampai sakit pipi... hehehehe

ok, jom tido!!! (tid0 sambil peluk handphone) 

nota- kaki- gajah: mama call, she said masa lepas solat ari tu arip gem0k doakan angah cepat sihat. touching nye, budak kecik tu pon tau ape yang aku rasa. mengapa tidak mereka?? ~ sigh~ hati terluka.

diari seorang datuk ab...

assalamualaikum and hello there..
sebenarnye semalam aku dah berkira- kira nak merajuk dengan orang tu. sebabnya dia mungkir janji. remember what i say?
' if you are important to somebody, that person will make time for you.
no lies, no broken promises and no excuses!'

so balik dari makan tu aku memang dah berazam dah nak mogok.
tapi bila dapat sms dari dia aku terus tak de m00d nak merajuk.
tengah hari tu dia kata ok je nak keluar, dia tak tid0 punya.
* tapi aku tahu, dengan penat kawad hari tu, tid0 lambat malam sebelum tu, sakit perut petang tu, mesti balik latihan dia terus menyelam.kiranya aku dah menjangka 'jom tid0' dia tu , cuma aku nak tengok ape dia nak wat je. ye, aku sawan!
(tiba2 rasa aku nie macam nickhun from the show we got married la plak. suka nak tengok ape dia nak wat. hahahahaah.... evil laugh)
but seriously, kadang2 every little things that he does, just happen in the right perfect moment. perfect timing.
dia nie pengganti mr. spongebob aku la. bakal menggantikan mr. adviser jugak (argh... dia pon dah nak g dah??!!!!!)

kiranya aku belajar something dari dia.
' sometimes you have to lose something to gain something more precious.'

menurut datuk ab (2011) tak perlu jadi tinggi cukup jalan sebelah orang tinggi. cukuplah tinggi impian dan perasaan tu!!

nota- kaki- gajah: merajuk tu sesuai untuk orang2 tua je. datin kan muda lagi!! wink2~ relaks la... kitkat kan ada!!!

happy new year... 1433

assalamualaikum and hello there...

another few minutes more to new year and i'm still sitting here thinking about what i've go through and things that i've done. not forgetting people that i've hurt.

first of all, thank you Allah for this oppurtunity to breathe and allow me to stay healthy (i always consider myself to be very healthy). i;ve commit sins after sins, and i may and may not realize it. so i want to ask for your forgiveness. thank you for each and every blessing and love you have gave me.

i pray the next year to be better than this year or the year before.

to all my reader,
selamat menyambut tahun hijrah yang baru.
moga buku yang lepas membuatkan kita belajar lebih baik untuk buku tahun yang akan datang.

jatuh cinta lagi: cinta lama berputik kembali...

my heart stop when you look at me,
just one touch.
oh baby i believe this is real...



first time i was introduce to this guy is when i watch oprah. miss 0 invited him to her show.
love his latest cover of if i die young. the moment he sang the chorus, i straight away say, ' yes, i'll do it for you.' hahahahaha.... i'm so in love with that guy! 

the story of us: speak now...

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say "They're the lucky ones"
I used to know my place was the spot next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
Cuz lately I don't even know what page you're on
Oh, a simple complication, miscommunications lead to fall-out
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up that I can't break through

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you, like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now. 
Next chapter..

How'd we end up this way? 
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me
Oh, I'm scared to see the ending, why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud

This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side
The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight
So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know is it killing you, like it's killing me
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
the end..


"Steady as a preacher, free as a weed. 
Couldn't wait to get going, but wasn't quite ready to leave..."

when silent speak...

this is stuff that no one ever told me... 
yet i learn it on my own;

if you dont understand my silent, you'll never get my world.....




rasa sakit saat tak punya tempat bercerita,
rasa kosong saat tak punya teman menangis,
rasa hilang saat tak punya bahu bersandar.

tak ada dia,
tak ada mereka,
tak ada kita.

tinggal aku,
tinggal sepi,
tinggal sendiri.

cuba melupakan semalam,
cuba memadamkan dendam,
cuba melepaskan pergi.

ada perasaan yang tak mampu aku nafikan,
ada ingatan yang tak bisa lupakan,
ada ikatan yang tak bisa terleraikan.

dan aku?
aku ada diam.
diam yang memahami jiwa hancur ini.
diam yang menemani hati luluh ini.

the freedom of speechless....

Jangan menilai orang, kamu tak tahu apa yg telah dilaluinya.

 Kamu mungkin mendengar ceritanya, tapi kamu tak tahu apa yg dirasakan hatinya.

wordless wednesday...

satu upc histeria??!!

nie post yg serious.. as serious as my face and emotion yesterday!

ok, my emotion went haywire yesterday. for some specific reason which is TOO stupid  personal to share here. at night, my abe nyet ask me to join her to watch football game between Harimau Muda and Garuda Muda...

when she ym me, i told her i wanna watch but if i watch my team will lose.  she said dont believe such thing. it's ridiculous  superstitious!! i say ok, but dont put the blame on if they didnt get the gold medal (mother of all gold according to wanie).

at the shop....

we order, the game haven't start. fine.. we wait. stupid compere keep on talking. argh...cant you see mr- not-so-cute-yet-pretend-to-know-it-all. abe just can't wait anymore. she's just too eager to see the HM swallow the GM.. my feeet are trembeling. wanted to text my brother but i'm afraid he'll scream his heart out to chase me out from the shop. shuts!!!

the game start. i try my very best not to look at the tv. my heart are pounding faster than before. there's a pain in my chest. burning sensation on my stomach. wanted to puke... oh shuts! i'm in public place. wait....

the first 3 minute was so intense. GM keep work on HM. then they got a chance. the not-so-tall guy gave GM corner kick. then, bam!!! GOAL..... (there's a stupid guy in the shop scream out loud when it's GM goal, pathetic!!) ok, abe nyet let's go back. she said aqil, dont believe all those thing. i said ok!! then i went outside to talk to my other friend. hahahaaha.... abe was so intense with the game then she said ' ok, let's go back!'
in my heart i whisper, alhamdullillah....

the moment i turn my back to get out from the shop. i can feel some super natural power all around me. people are screaming. jumping from their chair. they want to chase me.... oh no! guys it's not my fault ok!! then i heard them scream..... GOAL!!!!!!

then abe nyet said ' ilmu gapo mu pakai ni qila??' hahahaha.... i told you so.

so we went back. i open my tonton.com for her to watch. when i went to rodox's room. but i can hear people keeps on screaming, shouting like everyone was hysteria.... gosh!! i'm so scared! try my best to ignore the crowd.

once we won the game people became more crazy. honking and shouting GOAL!!! argh.... give me a break! kitkat kan ada....

nota-kaki-gajah: alhamdulillah... thank you Allah

love never bring us down.... insyallah....

when love is observed, love is preserver..

when respect is showed, respect will be received..

assalamualaikum and hello there..


before reading this post, you guys must watch the video above.
i was touch when the guy said ' pegang pada iman : hold to our faith'
you and him might be different:
age, faith, culture, look, race .... (the list goes on and on)
but love always be the reason why you are together.
beautiful ambiguous...

if people say love hurt, they are confuse..
love doesn't hurt
betrayal hurt, lies hurt, losing someone you love hurt, break up hurt.
love??
love is the only thing that keeps you moving when others falls apart...


peringatan untuk hati ini:

kau dan aku mungkin berbeza
nama, rupa dan cara
kau dan aku memang tak sama
gaya, umur dan jiwa
padaku cukuplah aku tahu
kau punya iman dan hati
itulah yang membuat aku terus dan tetap menanti
untuk kau menjadi imam disetiap solatku nanti

untuk belahan jiwaku yang separuh lagi
aku sentiasa disini
merindui
mengingati
menanti
hadirmu mendamaikan resah hati
biarlah kau kata aku gila begini
sampai kau hadir
menyanyi lagu cinta abadi

masih aku terasa: a puro dolor

the truth is everyone is going to hurt you.

you just have to figure out WHO is worth the PAIN.....

there's no beatuy without make up..
there's no love without pain..







weekends nie memang awesome!!
reason??

1. pasiskap.
~ aku dah pernah cerita kan pasal pasis? ala palapes + suksis = pasis... now add on pengakap. so jadi pasiskap! hahahaha... kami kena amik pengurusan ko. CCA la... tah ape2 tah.. ikat mengikat la.... boring giler. seb bek la AB ada. dia la yang dok message aku. dia kena wat olahraga. so bila dia stop sms sbb nak lompat2... aku mula la ngantok dan tido. hari ini dalam sejarah. aku tido dalam kelas. gara2 pasiskap! hebat!!

but seriously, i'm having so much fun. thanks to all the awak2 palapes and pakcik2 nye  making my days. to my family, you guys rox my sox!!!

2. singaporean
~ ada handball tournament. and this one team from singapore come, so chiah ask me to be their translator.  they are so bubbly. especially the NINJA.... thanks for all the memories and foods guys...

3. my dearest friends
like i told shanti: meaning of a real friend, those who dont let their friend do stupid things alone. kawan2 aku yang sengal aras 3 memang bengong la. tapi i really love you guys!!

4. once a friend always a friend
things are different nowadays. we are drifting apart. not you fault. i'm sorry i was wrong. wrong to treat you that way. wrong to act this way. i was emotional yesterday. just so you know, that i've been fighting to let you go. sometimes i make it through and then there's night that never ends. i wish that i could believe, that there's a day you'll come back to me. but still i've to say, i'll do it all again.

AB dh cakap jom tido... so peeps, jom tido.

before go to sleep, all i want is tomorrow to be a happy day. that's all. not more not less...
i wanna my lemon to turn to ribena ~wink2~


 nota kaki gajah: a puro dolor, the purest of pain,  sound track drama spain ke mexico, entitle mis tres hermanas.. best!!

diam itu menyakitkan??

assalamualaikum and hello there...

esok ada test poem! saja nak tulis pasal diam hari nie sebab hari nie saya banyak gelak. banyak sangat! thanks to DOUGHNUT! hey doughnut, i'm no supergirl, i hope u  like me as i am!


diam itu sebenarnya sebaik2 jawapan bagi pertanyaan2 bodoh yang sering orang lontarkan kepada kita. ye, baik diam dari jawap tapi menyakitkan hati. diam tu jugak baik sebab diam buat kita kurang dosa. ye la kurang cakap, kurang la kita mengata. kurang la menyumpah! betul tak....

tapi satu benda pasal diam nie yang kita kadang2 tak sedar. diam itu menyakitkan! yup... amat menyakitkan.
kadang2 aku diam (sekadar bagi contoh, tak ada kena mengena dengan yang mati, apatah lagi yang hidup) sebab memang tak ada benda nak cakap. selalu tu sebab banyak benda nak cakap. tapi elok diam je takut perkataan tu menyakitkan. lalu orang sekeliling menganggap itu sangat , hmmmm.... macam mana nak cakap ye?? ha, bahasa sopannye 'sangat kurang ajar'. pada aku lebih baik kita diam dari menyakiti.

memang diam itu menyakitkan bagi yang berdiam diri sebab banyak memendam tapi itu lebih baik. sebab dari lebih banyak hati2 orang disayangi terluka, lebih baik diam.

aku pernah letak quote nie sebagai status fb (bekas fb)
when friend become un-friend
when love become unlove
when we become me
i choose to walk away
and silent is my best company.

fb pon jadi bekas. semua gara2 sentap dengan orang2 tertentu. hahahaha... emo betul aku time tu.

memanglah elok meluahkan ape yang kita rasa. BUT (there's a big but there), seingat korang la kan, berapa banyak sesi luahan rasa, perasaan dan amarah korang pernah end up dengan good result or feed back? did the other side/ person ever understand? seriously guys from my own experience they dont. even when they say they do, they dont actually!!
no body know how you feel, what you been through. they have to walk a milestone in your shoes to know exactly how you feel. how many of your so-called real friend willing to do that? dont even bother to think. none! that's reality...

i dont say that silence is the best answer to every problem. maybe if somebody (that person is always me!) can shut the hell up and starts listen, problem will be solve. yes, you can speak whatever you feel but dont be surprise when you realize that the only person who really understand how you feel is a piece of paper.
yup, only a piece of paper that eventually turn into paper airplane.

wordless wednesday...

reblog: lihatlah langit, dan senyumlah, ^_^

Aku sudah terlanjur mencintaimu dan tidak hanya itu di setiap sujudku pun selalu ada terselip doa untuk kau agar menjadi imamku kelak.

kenapa senyap ?
kenapa diam ?
kenapa tak kongsi ?
kenapa tak cerita ?

entah.
tak semua benda boleh dikongsi.
tak semua benda boleh diluah, boleh dicerita.
ada perkara perlu dihadapi dan ditelan sendiri.
diluah takut membuka aib,
dicerita takut dijaja kelak.

dengan manusia, lidah kelu, walau hati sangat ingin berbicara.
tiada kata mampu menzahir segala rasa.

denganNYA,
bibir kaku, tiada kata mampu terucap.
yakin, DIA sudah sangat tahu.
hati sebak, dada terasa berat.
yakin, DIA sudah sangat mengerti.
hanya doa terzahir,
” Ya Allah, berilah kekuatan, untuk menghadapi semua ini”

confession of a sinner....

assalamualaikum and may Allah bless you...

today i wake up feeling calm. something that i dont often felt nowadays.

semalam main hujan. yup! sila marah saya... saya tahu saya sakit tapi gatal jugak nak main hujan (naseb baik cume rasa nak demam je tapi tak demam). siap abang aku yang sorang tu boleh cakap, ' why dont the lightening just struck you!' cis!! abangku, tak sayangkah kamu pada adikmu ini??? (seb bek dia pujuk aku balik pastu.... care jgak mister spongebob dekat aku! hahahahaha... evil laugh! )

 

tah la, aku dengan hujan nie ada something. something about rain that i really, really feel connected to. perasan tak kalau kita terperangkap dalam hujan, kita selalu mengeluh. berharap 'cepat la berhenti hujan nie!' pernah tak bila time hujan korang duduk sebentar merenung hujan? do it once in a while. trust me, you'll cry. subbahanallah... ya rabbi cipta hujan bukan cuma untuk bagi kita rezeki. tapi untuk ajar kita jugak.
kadang2 bila aku lambat nak gi kelas pastu hujan plak. adoiyai!!! dalam hati aku selalu cakap ' pehal la hujan plak! kacau la...' saat2 tu aku rasa macam kurang bersyukur plak. ~sigh~


hujan nie macam ujian Allah dalam hidup kita. kadang2 lebat, kadang2 renyai. ketahuilah, ujian yang Allah turunkan tu nikmat. yup, sihat itu nikmat, sakit itu lagi nikmat. mama cakap sakit tu nikmat sebab kita masih hidup. masih bernafas. kaya tu nikmat, miskin juga nikmat. bila kita miskin kita belajar bersederhana.. banyak lagi nikmat dalam kesamaran yang kita tak tahu, atau buat2 tak sedar. renung2kan la...

hujan tu ajar kita untuk bersabar jugak. sabar menanti keluarnya sang pelangi. aku selalu give up (jujur nie mengaku kealpaan diri, ye, saya koya baik! uwwweekkk...) bila aku doa, nak something tu tapi tak dapat. macam masa exam. doa la nak pass with flying colour tapi dop dapat pon. bila duduk dalam hujan sedar something. kita selalu mengeluh bila apa yang kita nak tak dapat, tapi sepatutnya kita bersyukur. bila kita buat dosa, salah kita tak pulak kena hukuman/ balasan straight away! ye la, fair and square la. nak yang baik2 semua nak cepat, nape bila nak kena hukum tak nak straight away plak?? manusia2...

so when it's raining, dont asking for the rain stop, instead ask for a better umbrella or even better, ask for a friend to dance in the rain with! (thanks ct for dancing in the rain with me yesterday!).
bila ujian menimpa, jangan pernah berdoa meminta diringankan ujian. mohonlah dikuatkan iman untuk menempuhinya. kita sebutir pasir, mana bisa melawan ombak. namun bisa bersinar dibawah terik mentari.

nota-kaki-gajah: takde niat pon nak jadi ustazah, jauh lagi hamba yang sorang nie nak jadi macam tu. tapi sekadar berpesan..... cuma selalu kita nie (ye aku sekali!!) menangis sebab iklan kat tv, drama tragis la, cinta tak kesampaian la... tapi tak pernah menangis bila dengar ayat2 suci. so (meminjam kata2 sis aku) dunia nie pinjaman. kita jaga hubungan kita dengan Allah, insyallah, dia akan jaga hubungan kita dengan yang lain. thanks sis!! 

stuck on you, stuck like glue.....

assalamualaikum and hello there....


di saat assignment menimbun diatas meja minta disiapkan...
di saat perut lapar berkeroncong minta di isikan..
di saat bilik bersepah minta dikemaskan...
di saat si dia minta sedikit perhatian...

i'm stuck on kisah kasut.... stuck on you, stuck like glue!

parah nie!

 katak melalak2, gajah sibuk berguling2 , ayam menari2....

waaaarrrghhhh!!!!!

tolong la faham......


ye, minggu sewel aku dah datang...

so, i'm not ready to make nice.
to you!
yup, it's a  fake smile..
a real lie...
from my eye...

waiting for superman...

assalamualaikum and hello there...

it's a quarter past 1 and i can't sleep (not cant technically)
mr. AB have meeting so i've to accompany him...
hehehe... while waiting, this songs accompany me..

so, enjoy!

w0rdless wednesday